| this time its gonna be a long long time |
[23 Nov 2009|10:33pm] |
danced through my apartment with my new ipod today.
bought t-shirts for $3 at old navy.
and started something new for myself that feels very very good.
very.
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| Forget, then you're forgotten |
[27 Oct 2009|11:07am] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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With the changing on seasons brings on a total change in my mood.
I forgot how much I hate the dreary, sad, depressing seattle winter.
I get so caught up in the beauty of summer that I forget to prepare for what's ahead.
And today I feel gloomy. Dreary. Sad.
I get so restless.
Every winter I devise a new plan to move, but once summer rolls around I am sucked in yet again.
I'm going to San Diego in three weeks with Maggie.
Maybe I'll stay there.
I need more sunshine in my life.
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[14 Oct 2009|04:02am] |
I'm too impuslive to do anything for more than a week or two. Forget four years. Too long of a commitment, I can't even live in the same place for more than a year.
I love Kevin, he can't leave.
He just can't.
I'm not giving up just yet.
I can't believe I got sick just in time for my vacation. Super lame.
SUPER.
yes.
I've gotten about three hours of sleep and I'm officially crazy.
officially.
Also, whenever toby isn't here I pretty much want to die.
He's my person or whatever.
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| dear insomnia |
[29 Sep 2009|01:19am] |
I am going to be seriously tired in the AM, but my eyelids seem to be plastered open.
Tonight I went to my first official class of grad school and absolutely loved it. There is something amazing about sitting in a room with smart people and debating totally unimportant things.
It's fun.
I'm tired of working.
I want to quit.
I still haven't gotten up the nerve to do anything about the boy..
But I will.
I got new year's off this year and will be celebrating it in new york with maggie.
And also this entry is entirely boring.
the end.
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| This is rambly |
[27 Sep 2009|11:20am] |
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mood |
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 content |
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I didn't pre-plan this weekend.
Spent most of it alone.
Last night I came home from work and fell asleep I was so tired.
Woke up at 9pm and realized I had nothing to do.
Attempted to make last minute plans and failed.
And right as I was about to panic, something inside of me told me this is stupid.
I'm happier than I have ever been.
Really, genuinely happy.
Every single day I'm smiling and laughing and really enjoying my life.
Why is it, just because it's saturday, I'm supposed to feel inadequate if I have nothing to do?
So I shut the fuck up.
Went out and bought a good book and relaxed by myself.
And you know what? It was just fine.
Nice, actually.
I wonder sometimes if I panic at the "alone" stuff just because I'm supposed to. Not because I actually feel that way.
Today is brunch with anissa, applying to internships, still daydreaming about that boy I can't seem to make a move on....
and yeah, that sums it up.
Toby is asleep in my lap and he reminds me why it is important that I learn to do this right. Every time I want to run off to Ireland or London for a few months and not look back. There is a reason I need to stand still.
To stand through it all.
Each day gets easier and it gets better.
Every single day.
I just need to stick to what I said I would do.
Try not to run away from myself.
Here it is.
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[19 Sep 2009|12:30am] |
Feeling impulsive....
like quit your job...
move to another country....
i don't want to be AFRAID!
Of rejection mostly...
Of failure partly...
Of life in general.........
I want to just DO IT! WHATEVER I WANT TO DO.
I WANT TO TELL THE BOY I LIKE HIM.
I WANT TO WALK OUT AND NOT WORRY ABOUT BILLS.
I WANT TO FEEL SOMETHING INTENSE.
I AM CRAZY MANIC TONIGHT AND THE CAPSLOCK IS MAKING ME MORE ANXIOUS.
whew.
I need some sleep maybe.
Some downers probably.
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[16 Sep 2009|04:52pm] |
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mood |
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 excited |
] |
So many things to do...this week feels full to the max.
But full of fun happy dinners with friends..
and the exciting new possibilities of grad school.
and the boy that i'm semi-in love with.
It's so scary though when I think about really changing my life.
Like this could be the brink of a BIG change if I just let it happen.
Actually let this boy in.
Actually give up everything else for new possibilities.
But what to do about my job?
It can stay the same temporarily. I don't have to do anything at all until Jan 1st. But I can't do this thing half-assed. So do I give up my inflated paycheck for the bowels of minimum wage because it's more friendly to my schedule? And CAN I realisticly do it? With the life style I'm leading?
And is this boy reallly as different as I think he is?
So many possibilities...
So many things that could go very right or wrong.
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[10 Sep 2009|10:27pm] |
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mood |
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 accomplished |
] |
I got into grad school!!!
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[31 Aug 2009|12:23am] |
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mood |
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 blah |
] |
You'd think I would've written sooner with all that's happened.
Maybe I don't really care.
Maybe it isn't worth an effort to write...
So the ex is "in a relationship" according to his email. It's odd that the losers I date manage to move on before me. Always.
Is it odd though? Or is there a reason?
fuck.
My first boyfriend lived at home with his mother and slept on a couch on her back porch.
He moved on in three weeks.
My second boyfriend couldn't stop himself from prematurly ejaculating after about 30 seconds inside me.
New girlfriend in 3 months.
This is fucking lame.
Also the city of seattle gives out herion needles to the homeless so they won't spread aids.
I've been rolling it around in my brain all day long and it still doesn't sit well with me.
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| yay! |
[10 Aug 2009|10:03pm] |
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I just applied to grad school!
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[06 Aug 2009|09:13pm] |
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I will try again tomorrow.
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[05 Aug 2009|09:52am] |
I wonder what this country was like when we had less corporations and more family owned businesses.
My guess is, it was a lot less frusterating.
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| luck be an old lady tonight |
[01 Aug 2009|10:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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bouncy |
] |
Sometimes I am completely oblivious to how lucky I really am.
But this week it's soaked in a little.
Even through the outrageous heatwave, I just forgot how much I love Seattle in the summertime. Taking the ferry to the islands, biking to the canal, hiking to the falls, walking aimlessly through the market and buying $5 fresh flowers for my house.
And I'm pretty lucky.
I should take the time to remember this more often.
Last night was Olivia's last night in town and I got super wasted and when I hugged her goodbye I just couldn't help but cry. I'm going to miss her so incredibly much. She has been such a good friend to me. I'm trying to not be sad about it, but instead see it as an opportunity and reason to visit L.A.
Still, it's hard losing people you love.
Today at work, instead of working, I made a whole list of wants.
Because I have so many I feel like it's time to starting sorting through and making priorities and wiping away once that don't work in the master plan. It went like this:
Lindsey's Wants
More bike rides
get my MBA
get a degree in Fashion design
Spend a month in spain learning the language
Spend a week drinking in Ireland
And that's it.
So #1 is easy, #5 is relatively easy.
#2, #3, and #4 don't seem to sync up.
I need to win the lottery. Or marry someone wealthy.
I think that sums it up.....
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[26 Jul 2009|12:07pm] |
I need a new job.
And the CEO of H&M is visiting in a few weeks and it's enough to make me want to throw up on my own shoes.
Need a less stressful job.
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[13 Jul 2009|11:13pm] |
Nothing noteworthy to write, but I will anyway.
So with my sad lack of furniture in my beautiful new place, and my desperately sad lack of cash to get some...I have taken to begging friends, coworker, aquantances. I spelled that wrong. But I'm too lazy to backspace.
Not exactly beg. More like "mention" that if they happen to have random crap they need to get rid of...that I might be willing to accept a donation.
So far I have wrangled:
couch
table + chairs
bookshelf
tv stand
3 books
reusable grocery bag
a free dinner
Which pretty much sums up all of the things I needed. Why didn't I do this before? What a fabulous discovery for my pocketbook.
I can't wait to get paid and buy material to start sewing again. I have all this inspiration and no where to let it out.
Also, I applied for fashion design school in the fall and thought I would start taking classes. I LOVE it. And I'm good at it.
But lately I've been wondering if getting my MBA would be more effective towards my goals. Like maybe I would be content making my OWN clothing and not other peoples and pursuing a career where I'd make lots of money and could travel around the world.
There are too many choices. I just want it all.
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[12 Jul 2009|11:01pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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I've never felt comfortable in one place for too long.
I need newness. Excitement.
I need opportunities and goals and possibilities for the future.
I need Plans.
Always have.
This is something about myself that I know is....frusterating.
It makes me anxious, confused, contemplative, just plain tired.
So today when I was talking to Olivia about how I'm putting off getting a second dog because I want to live abroad for a year...
I realized, I should shut the fuck up.
Living abroad for a year is no where in my means at the moment or in a very near moment.
Moving to New york is ALSO out of my means.
Quitting my job and going to grad school......out of my means.
All of the BIG plans that I make for myself and never follow through on.
Maybe, I just need to shut the fuck up.
I'm going to dig in.
Invest a little.
Steady my feet on the ground.
Stand still.
NOT make plans.
And I'm bored already.
But it's something that I have needed to do for quite sometime.
Am I planning right now about not making plans?
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[08 Jul 2009|05:57pm] |
Yeah, he loves me. I knew it.
In other news things have been kind of amazing these last few weeks.
Ever since I got back from florida I've had a renewed sense of what life is supposed to be like.....fun. Not scary or complicated or frusterating.
It's supposed to be fun.
So I have filled every free moment with happy hours and having friends over and tv parties with olivia and margaret and puppy dates with jessica and things feel pretty good.
Better than they have in quite some time.
And I'm just fine with that.
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[03 Jul 2009|10:25am] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
It is so strange that a new apartment and a new perspective can totally change the way I've been feeling.
The past few days have been amazing.
I spent so much time in that damn apartment watching tv. How SAD is that??
And now that I'm right in belltown it's so easy to grab a drink after work and find time for other things since my commute to work is 6 blocks.
Also I'm determined to get out of debt.
Also I'm going to Ireland in March.
Also, I'm starting my apparel design classes in August.
These don't necessarily go together, but maybe they do.
Life feels good in this moment and I miss a certain someone that I always used to have so much fun with. But I suppose I screwed that up, too.
Sigh.
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[22 Jun 2009|03:36am] |
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mood |
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 awake |
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i'm glad i had this epiphany before it got anymore expensive.
updating from jacksonville.
and once i get back to seattle, i'm back for good.
there was a reason i left.
yup.
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[15 Jun 2009|10:35pm] |
Fuck.
I need to figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life before I go completely insane.
Need to book a flight for this weekend, but everything is like 7 fucking hundred dollars.
Fuck.
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